Pace Italia

General Relativity is a concept I'm less than familiar with. Physics fucked with my mind just as much as about anything in my life thus far. However, the concepts introduced within this impossible course resonated with me on a purely philosophical level. The mathematics and logical reasoning was a different story. Namely the concept of time dilation and gravitational time delay particularly grabbed hold of me. Based upon the general relativity principalities, time is far from the static measure we think it is. Time bends on a parallel with space, dependent on the gravitational realities that exist externally. This meant different things to different people, but it had a profound effect on my own reality.

On a parallel with any change, such as my cultural and linguistic immersion into Italy, this realization shattered many of my opinions or things I viewed as cultural invariables. If time wasn't static, what in my life could I say was? If Italians think in the Italian language, does that mean they conceptualize life differently? I delve into the physics segue because these things have become increasingly important within my experience here in Italy.

I have approximately 3 days until I depart. The common idiom tells me that "time flies when you're having fun." Yes, in retrospect it seems like yesterday when I arrived in Italy. I can take a honest, hard look at the things I've done and still feel the scope of time elusive. I'm left with the feeling that that which I cannot place a finger on has therefore become a void. So can I say time has flown by through the intellectually invigorating 4 months in Italy? Is it my perspective that is correct presumably based upon my own cultural upbringing and value system, or is it "time" that is correct? Four months is four months.

When I think about this, particularly within my current concept, I find it necessary to step back from the mindfuck that I have flung around just now and try to take a deep breath. I cannot say my experience in Italy is good or bad. There is no immediate value assignment reaction. Social pressures instruct me to formulate an opinion but I can cite only what has happened. The isolated instances I have chronicled in this blog are real and honest. The emotions portrayed within are real within the moment. But for example, at the soccer match, I felt a welling of pride. This is a fact. My journey is a set of facts that contain emotional charge within.

What does this mean for me? How can I say I don't have an opinion about Italy? I am changed, no doubt and this is where the concept of time is important to my experience. Time, I realize, isn't the factor in this equation, but it is the change found introspectively. Change, fluidity, motion, movement.

It is this reworking that I can and do realize to an extent. It is a constant revolution with an introspective genesis. Is my acquisition of basic Italian positive? I can only say that I have changed to gain that knowledge. Where once there was a void, now I can say "Ciao, mi chiama Galen. Come stai? Piacere."

I'm caught in this network of questions and hesitations. Right now is a moment within my experience. I feel lost. separated from who I really am. My life, like my blog, I see as segmented, scripted, convoluted and contradictory. But it's all honest. It's real data, real emotions and real life. As I head back I have a lot to think about and most likely a lot more to share.

What's Real Pt. 1

Will you miss Italy? What will you miss most about Italy? I'll bet you miss home a lot. When do you leave? Will you come back? Do you want to come back? You understand a lot of Italian for only 4 months, I'm impressed. What did you say your favorite memory was? Would you say it was worth it to teach at the schools? What are some of the key differences between American and Italian schools? What do you thing about the crucifixes that hang in the classrooms? Really? You're Jewish? Ma lui è asiatico... molto confuso.

Why don't you go more places? You shouldn't stay at home, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You really shouldn't worry about home right now. Just have fun. Why don't you want to come out tonight? Do you want to come to Rome with me? Lei dovrebbe vedere il cinqueterra. È bello.

Why don't you look like an American? Are you able to talk to the people at the Chinese market? I've heard America is a very racist place... We have a problem with crime in Parma... it is mostly the Africans who commit crime. Why do you want to just sit in your room and write? Want to go shopping?

Ti piace Parma? You like bigger cities like Los Angeles? Do you see celebrities at school like George Clooney? Do you surf? Can I have your autograph? Un ragazzo molto interessante... lui scrive poezia...

I wonder what he's thinking. I heard there's a lot he doesn't share with others. I heard he doesn't like the program. I heard he wants to go back to the states. I think he's too reliant on English. He doesn't try enough. I wonder... what he has back home. Why does he act the way he does? He's ready to leave I can tell... Che triste.

What do you want? Perche?